Another year goes by.

Well that didn’t end how I thought it would, the 2017 season I mean, it ended like it started, which was similar to how it was in the middle, just awful. But its not how i thought it would end knowing how my week in Spain began.

I arrived on Monday from Milan, fresh from a 68 final round, with clear swing thoughts to play with and a spring in my step. My body felt good which was of vital importance and I headed to Valderrama, one of my favourite places to play golf, and then to La Reserva, a fine course itself right next door to play in a pro-am.

This is unusual, Monday pro-ams only happen twice a year tops, and I’ve yet to play in one until now, but I felt this was perfect timing, a chance to free wheel with the swing in a semi competitive environment. Well would you believe it, I played beautifully, my pro-am partners played like a dream, and having collected the 1st prize I made a little speech saying how this was the most enjoyable round of golf I had played all year, I meant every word, then we said our farewells and were on our way.

On Tuesday I started my day with a chat with the chief referee, Andy Mcfee, we discussed many of the new rules being considered in 2019, I told him I thought 2 shots for teeing off in front of the markers was harsh, he told me that the R and A are discussing many changes, one being getting rid of the penalty for a double hit, hitting yourself with the ball is also likely to go, makes sense I thought and then I was on my way.

I played 9 holes, popped to the gym, had physio and then dinner. This was spent in the company of Manuel Pinero, Ryder cup star from the 80’s. In 1985 my passion for golf was sealed watching a European victory at the Belfry, Manuel was a part of that team, they were the team that got the European ball rolling, now he’s golf Ambassador at La Reserva. Hearing his stories from those early years was heartening, I like people that like golf, Manuel loves golf, still to this day that’s clear. Remember Stadler missing a tiddler on the 18th at the Belfry? I do, I was with Jonni Suckling my best pal, we had just started playing golf, I called Stadler to miss that putt, and he did, its imprinted in my mind that shot, I rushed out the back of my house to the field to hit some shots right away, that was the moment I fell for the game.

So by Thursday I was feeling great, positive, healthy, keen and calm, I had a nice game plan I thought, and I was as prepared as I could be. I hit the tenth fairway, my first hole, popped my second onto the green, missed the birdie putt but I was on my way. A beauty of a 6 iron gave me a great chance on 12, I missed but my confidence grew further, I miss my tee shot right on 13, pitched out, wedged to 10 feet and saved par, perfect course strategy and momentum was building.

On 14 I found the fairway, I tugged my 7 iron 5 yards left of target, it finished 15 feet left of the hole, 2 yards from the green, in a horrible little lie. Muddy underneath, grass behind the ball, but still only 15 feet from the hole. I tell you I just could not imagine a way to nudge this ball towards the hole, just couldn’t see it, but still even a duff should propel it to about 6 or 7 feet. I took aim, picked my landing spot, sent the club down into the back of the ball, well more like down into the mud behind the ball as it happens, the ball popped up and click, the dreaded double hit had occurred. Would you Adam and Eve it. Two days after having a conversation about how the rule might well get dropped I go and have my first double hit in a decade or so.

Still there was a long way to go of course but a poor drive off 17 left me needing to hit a four iron into the dreaded par five hole, I miss struck it, it came up short, rolled back into the water and hey presto I was four over par in a flash. 77 was my total once I’d left my final green, 6 over and needing a cracking Friday round to make the cut.

I fancied my chances actually, and another ripped drive off the first tee bode well I thought but alas nothing much good really followed. I drove the ball great but birdie chances were sadly lacking, the cut was missed and that brought to an end my 2017 season, my worst in 22 years as a professional.

It’s been tough to handle, 2015 was great, 2016 was hampered badly by a foot injury but still had some highlights at least, but this year there were none, and that is a long old year let me tell you.

Professional golf is a very privileged thing to do for a living, it’s my passion which is wonderful, but it doesn’t mean its good fun all the time. Frankly when it’s not going well it’s very stressful, leaving the family for weeks on end and coming home with nothing to show for it is miserable. I like the process of being a professional golfer, but without some good scores that process can feel futile.

So here I am, 42 years old, I have 3 lovely kids a great wife, a wonderful home, some lovely friends and relatives. I’m lucky to do a little bit of work for SKY TV, and I am Chairman of the Players committee on tour, a responsibility I am enjoying. So I have lots going on, but I’m missing the buzz of playing well, I’m missing it so much. Even in Italy last week when I made a few birdies, when I played a few holes in a row well, I felt it, the joy that playing the game well brings me. I remember the feeling so well, it’s the same one I felt when I first broke 100 when I was ten, then 90 when I was 11, then 80 when was 13. It’s the same feeling you get when you’re going well in the monthly medal. Nothing more nothing less. But I play so much golf that without that feeling it just becomes hard work, and I didn’t decide to become a pro for it to be hard work.

So what to do about it, well, first things first I need to be healthy enough to play and practice with no pain, so discipline on that front comes above all else. That’s a process thats already underway and paying dividends. Then I need to have absolute clarity on what I’m working on within all aspects of my game, my last two tournaments in Italy and Spain pointed me in the right direction on a few fronts, so a plan is building in that department. Then finally I need the desire to fight for a strong final chapter to my career, luckily I still have that too, so there are lots of positives to take into next season.

I will start at the Hong Kong Open, then most likely I will head to Brisbane for the Australian PGA Championship, I won that once by the way, in 1998, by a mere 7 shots, wouldn’t it be great to have won that tournament twice, I think I’ll take that thought with me on my travels.