I never really did believe in New Year's resolutions; I mean why would the changing of a year make anyone do things differently, take me for instance.

New year same old Howeller, taking for granted the few fans he has around the world by only doing his blog every so often, letting them log onto his website time after time only to see that he can't be bothered to write down a few lines every Monday. It's pathetic really but it seems that it is the way it is and from now on I am not going to promise to do better, as I reckon any more broken promises and I'll be writing this only for my Mother to read, and maybe the Jockey of course who I think really likes to read about himself.

 
So please feel free to read into the fact that if I do not post a blog after playing a tournament then in all probability I will be seriously fed up, frustrated, demoralised and more than a little cheesed off with things. And for that matter unless I let you know otherwise the Jockey is probably back in Wiltshire wondering how his dream job has not turned out quite as he was expecting, pondering where his next bit of golfing excitement is going to come from, not to mention his next decent cheque and keeping an eye on whose bag he might be able to snatch when he plucks up the courage to sack his old mate.

With all that being said, as you are reading this blog at this precise time it means I have written it, which in turn means I am not in the sorry state mentioned above, but I am  feeling guilty for being so lazy over the last few weeks so for that please accept my apologies.

Well.... what's been going on then, two weeks ago we sweated our way around Saujana GC for the Malaysian open. Think about hill walking inside a sauna whilst being scared that a Cobra may jump out from underneath the coal fire whilst you are keeping an eye on the giant lizard that is on the wall staring at the monkeys that want your banana and you will get the picture. Add in greens that are like 70's shag pile carpets, a golfer struggling to hit his ball onto the fairway, who sweats like a Sumo Wrestler on Red Bull doing the jive and a caddie called the Jockey and things did not bode well.

Still after a poor first round the jockey told me on the third fairway on Friday that he had a good feeling about the day which was a brave call bearing in mind I had just left my first putt on the 2nd twenty five feet short of the hole before missing the par effort to record a bogey to reverse the birdie I had made on the first. However I thought maybe he knew something I did not when my 8 iron third shot to the par five third nestled only eight feet from the pin, a great chance for birdie, a cast iron par or a near impossible bogey beckoned. Impossible my foot, three putts later and the Jockey was starting to doubt his psychic powers.

Mind you two holes later he was no longer doubting his powers, in fact he was darn sure he did not have any such knowledge when I managed to play the magic disappearing ball trick right in front of his eyes.

It's a really good trick but like all magic tricks there is always a simple explanation. In this case the idea is to hit your ball towards the green two hundred yards away, from a decent lie in the rough, if you can find one. If possible get a young attractive female from the gallery to inspect the one palm tree that is slightly in your way, slightly embarrass her  to gain a laugh from the gallery, tell her husband she is now inside the ropes and may not come back for another laugh and then and only then ask her A) is the palm tree real, answer is yes of course and B) is the tree in your way, answer, no it's not.

With that send her back on her way. If however like me you don't have a gallery at hand, replace the said pretty girl with small bloke with long hair wearing a bib and a sad look on his face.

Now to execute the shot (trick) perfectly the key is to aim right of the tree, come slightly over the top and pull the shot to the left and nail it at 100 miles per hour directly into the trunk of the tree. With that the ball will disappear into thin air (along with any chance of making the cut, a nasty by product of this trick by the way). So you're thinking that's easy, the ball ricochets off in a strange direction and everyone thinks it has disappeared. Well that would be an alright trick but the pro's way is a little cleverer than that. Any half hearted magician can do that. The key to this trick is the palm tree, it's real alright, and as the pretty girl (sad old caddie) said it is not in your way but what they never notice is that the trunk of the tree is rotten to the core, and any ball smashed into it will disappear like a rat down a drain pipe never to be seen again, even at close inspection. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant, gets them every time I tell you.

After the high of pulling off such a difficult trick perfectly try not to spoil the show by crying at the fact that you are now 6 over par and carry on merrily thinking about next weeks tournament and how you might win which would be a nice change.

So that was the Malaysian Open, and after spending the weekend doing a little light practice and some deep thinking by the pool it was of to Perth for the Johnnie Walker Classic.

A cut was made, not the stuff of my golfing dreams but better than heading home early I guess which is a nasty habit to get into.  68 on Friday was a decent round which could have been better had I putted like I know I can but a bad ball striking day on Saturday left us way down the field unfortunately. The week ended on a slight high when I finished with three birdies but it was only to get me to 48th place and so for now the struggle continues. I'll be back though I have no doubt about that and it will be nice to have a month off after this hectic tiring start to the year.

After playing five tournaments in a state of good health I had a relaxed evening in Perth before flying to Tucson for a new adventure for a week. Instead of playing in the WGC Accenture Match Play  I will be commentating on it for Sky which should be fun if only I can regain my fitness in time. Fitness for commentating I hear you cry, what does he mean? Would you believe I bit my tongue so badly on Sunday I could hardly speak for two days, so if I sound a bit strange I do apologise, and if I talk a load of rubbish I really really apologise.

Oh one last thing, I used a little political licence in saying that caddying for me was the Jockey's dream job because I know for a fact that caddying for Adam Scott would be his dream job. For once the Jockey has something sensible to say!